Tag: panty ,
hose ,
lingerie ,
happy ,
birthday ,
mom ,
vlog ,
funny ,
wierd ,
freak ,
zany Description: This vlog is my gift to my mother for her birthday, which is, yes, you guessed it, TODAY.
When she watches this, two things could transpire. Make that three:
1) She will be mortifyingly embarrassed and regret ever sharing my blog URL with her friends and coworkers (if she doesn't already). Wait until my memoir hits bookshelves. What will she do then? Yikes.
2) She will outright disown me. Highly unlikely since I'm one muy importante half DNA donor to her precious blondie grandkids three, at least I'd like to think so.
Highly unlikely also because she would miss out on visiting breathtaking Southern California beaches blanketed in clouds of choking smog. What out of town visitor would diss me for good and miss out on that?
3) She will cackle hysterically (okay, mom, you don't cackle, more like delicately chortle. I cackle and Dena guffaws and Aunt Claudette, well, she ... you know how she laughs -- jolly and loud like Santa with a megaphone). Next, she'll pick up the phone and call me across the 3,000 plus miles to congratulate me on being such a zany weirdo mama. Props from one zany mama to another. I truly learned from the best!
Happy birthday, mom. I hoped you like the daisies. What kind of a cheap-ass daughter sends a tiny handful of daisies to her mother for her birthday?
Well, slackstress me. It was the best I could do. Never mind not even sending a card of gift at Christmas. As you would jokingly say, mom, "I deserve ten lashes with a wet noodle!"
Speaking of noodles, remember when cousin Ricky threw an entire boiling pot of pasta against Aunt Connie's wall to check if the noodles were ready? I prefer the more modest version -- thwacking a single strand of spaghetti against the wall to see if sticks. If it does, it's ready.
How many of you reading this right now have moms who always kept it light, fun and easy, even during the roughest of times? Here's to the best, my mom. Bon Fete! A votre sante! Felicitations!
I bet you're really savoring this birthday, mom, now that your ticker is poof, presto, blam-o fixed. You deserve all that buttered up lobster you'll feast on tonight. Just don't forget to wear that funny looking tuxedo lobster bib. You, like me, can get pretty messy when it comes to eatin' stuff we love (and devour in seconds flat).
Love, hugs, kisses and one supremely stiff high five, Kim, SuperMan and the kids three
Ps. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!