May I have your attention please?May I have your attention please?Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?We're gonna have a problem hereY'all act like ya never seen a white person beforeJaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the doorAnd started whooping her ass worse than beforeThey first were divorce, throwin?her over furniture (Ahh!)It's the return of the..."Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,he just didn't say what I think he did, did he?"And Dr. Dre said...Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!(Ha-ha!)Feminist women love Eminem"{*Eminem's vocal turntable*} Slim Shady, I'm sick of himLook at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-whatFlipping the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though"Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head looseBut no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedroomsSometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can'tBut it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kissAnd that's the message that we deliver to little kidsAnd expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris isOf course they gonna know what intercourse isBy the time they hit fourth gradeThey got the Discovery Channel don't they?"We ain't nothing but mammals"Well, some of us cannibalsWho cut other people open like cantaloupesBut if we can hump dead animals and antelopesThen there's no reason that a man and another man can't elopeBut if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdoteWomen wave your panty-hoes, sing the chorus and it goes1- I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Sladyall the other Slim Shady's are just imitatingSo won't the real Slim Slady please stand up?Please stand up, please stand upCuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shadyall you other slim shady's are just imitatingSo won't the real Slim Slady please stand up?Please stand up, please stand upWill Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his recordsWell I do so "Fuck him and fuck you too!"You think I give a damn about a Grammy?Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"Why? So you guys could just lie to get me hereSo you can sit me here next to Britney SpearsShit Christina Aguilera better switch me chairsSo I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred DurstAnd hear them argue over who she gave head to firstYou little bitch, put me on blast on MTV"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole worldhow you gave Eminem VDI'm sick of you little girl and boy groupsAll you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy youAnd there's a million of us just like meWho cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like meWho dress like me; walk, talk and act like meAnd just might be the next best thing but not quite me!Repeat 1I'm like a head trip to listen to cuz I'm only giving youThings you joke about with your friends inside your living roomThe only difference is I got the balls to say itIn front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or sugar coated at allI just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit itI just shitted better than 90 percent of you rappers out thereThen you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiumsIt's funny cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirtingPinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with JergensAnd I'm jerkin?but this whole bag of Viagra isn't workingAnd every single person is a Slim Shady lurkingHe could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion ringsOr in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I don't give a fuck!"With his windows down and his system upSo, will the real Shady please stand up?And put one of those fingers on each hand up?And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta controlAnd one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?Repeat 1Repeat 1Ha haGuess there's a Slim Slady in all of usFuck it, let's all stand up

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