Adam Sandler - Mayor of Pussytown
Yo, it's 2004And all you candy asses thinkin' ya'll real pussiesYa'll ain't seen shit yetEh yo Mayor let 'em knowOh yeah, guess who's backIt's the motherfuckin' pussy with the little nutsackDon't care about cheddar or the paper chaseI'm a fuckin' grown man with zits on my faceA straight up chickenshit, a pansy ass punkIf I'm guarding your ass it's an automatic slam dunkWhile thugs are at the party bustin' all y'alls assesI'm hiding in the corner wonderin' where the fucks my glassesCan't afford no rims, my whip's a bucketFuckin' dick's so small no bitch can suck itI don't pop nines, I got weak rhymesBack in nine deuce I got pissed on ten timesI roll solo, I aint got no crewI say please don't hit me more than a cow says "moo"Afraid of heights, I'm ascared of the darkI walk an extra 3 miles to avoid crazy fucks in the parkDenied by the bloods, turned down by the cripsMy fuckin' auntie kicked my ass and she got two plastic hipsWhen I steps to the club feel free to stare me down'Cause I just got re-elected the Mayor of PussytownMayor of PussytownWhen bangers hit the street I stay home and watch tvSlumped down on the couch so no one can seeUnless I hear somebody knockin' on my doorThen you'll see me crawlin' cross the motherfuckin' floorI've been a fuckin' coward every day of my lifeThat's why I pretend I don't know everyone's banging my wifeI won't sit on the porch, I don't want no troubleI'm more afraid of goin' out than the fuckin' boy in the bubbleWhen the shit goes down I'll make a break so fastLook like a motherfuckin' rocket goin' pastSearchin' for the sneakiest place to hideStraight into the ladies' room, ain't got no prideSlippin', slidin', runnin', hidin'You know damn well it's a scooter I'm ridin'Oh, no, here we go, out come the glocksI take off so fast I pop out my socksYou're gonna fuck with me I'll cry then runI called the cops when I got shot with a fuckin' squirt gun, yeahHe clams upHe shuts down his pants he almost shitsHe'll even look the other wayIf you grab his grandma's titsWell, I had a little poodle but my neighbor stoled herI'd shoot him with an AK but the kick hurts my shoulderI can't pop no gun and I cant fist fightHell, I'm afraid to take out the fuckin' garbage at niteI use the steps in the pool 'cause I'm terrified to diveAnd don't fuck with my floaties, deys what keepin' me alive, bitchNever drank remy, never dealt crackThe one time I smoked weed I had a panic attackAnd if you're lookin' for my dick in the men's locker roomBest bring your binoculars with the fuckin' super zoomNo, I'm just playin', I don't fuckin' change in thereThe one time I did, got my bush sprayed off with NairBut did I stick up for myself, no fuckin' doubtI did what I do best, I broke the fuck outI ain't lookin' at you, I ain't tryin' to frontIt alright with me you called my Jimmy a cuntFreakin', sneakin', crawlin', creepin'When the gangs are bangin' I'm in the basement sleepin'I'm straight from the streets, seen trouble in every sizeAnd when the shit hits the fan I throw on a fuckin' disguiseFake nose, fake wig, fake beardThey all work pretty goodYou know, or sometimes I just use a map and a funny accentAnd pretend I got lost in the hood, motherfucker, yeah?Yeah, now all you coward motherfuckers out thereWalkin' 'round with your head hangin' lowJust 'cause you ate one dick, just knowMy man the Mayor had to suck off his whole high schoolCase closedMayor of PussytownMayor of Pussytown