How can I keep moving forward to a whole new beginning. If I can't close this door cause the chapter has no ending. And how can I apply the lessons from the issues at hand.When I don't even understand why the sh... hit the fan.But now, I am sad. Trying to retrieve.My own self worth lost because I couldn't even achieveBeing a good companion to the one who needed me to beQuestioning his motives cause of my own insecurities.Then he yelled obscurities. Said I showed immaturityBut it wasn't true. I just needed some surety.That he wasn't using me. But he couldn't make me believe.His attempts failed as he said things I feel were only said to mislead-Me. Deceive me into thinking that I was really being loved.To make me think that it was me that he was clearly thinking of.To entice me into making decisions all for OUR love.And disregarding the fact that I'm hurting the ONE above.But see, now is enough.Always chaos that's abrupt But it doesn't matter. Cause I'm strong. And I'm tough.A warrior in the making. A soldier like my mama.Or am I psyching myself cause I can't deal with the dramaHe did pulled some numbers.But yet, I'm here feeling bad.Beating up myself cause I annihilated the love I thought we had.Because I couldn't get over the past and still held within enmityBecause I was told I did an act of inhumanity.Because I made a difference in how he now views my sanity.Got him thinking that I'm crazy cause I spit the truth so blatantlyNow he says that he don't hate me. don't regret that he dated me.But yet, he still feels that I acted like a babyWhen it comes to the things that I said or I did.I'm hurting on the inside yo. I wanted to birth his kid.I wanted to be the best wife. A man could ever find.I wanted to be his forever so that he could always be mine.But it's time to let go of something already gone.Gotta teach my heart how to beat to a new song.It feels wrong though. Got a feeling that this ain't right.Losing sleep. Shedding tears. Being tormented through the night.You see, my dreams are too stubborn. won't let me let him go.My dreams reveal the truth that my lips never spoke.My dreams keep my reality bombarded with ambitionInadequately aligning with a realist intuitionSo, I cry and I write. And I write and I cry.Wishing on the inside that I could just drop and dieSo that he could go ahead in life with no distractions by me.Never again have to feel disrespected by me.Be finished with the hurt that he felt because of me.Move away from the past that he sadly made with meBut this is now hurting me.Even more, it's killing me.And now that he's gone. I'm feeling incomplete.Wrong wouldn't be wrong without the manifestation of right.And if the moon never shined, there would never be a nightIf the present didn't exist, there would be no history.Without a form of passion. There wouldn't be chemistry.If there was no water, there couldn't possibly be a sea.And without his love, there's no true existence of me.But I don't even care just as long as he's free.I said, I don't even care just as long as he's free.Maybe you're wondering why. Maybe you don't understand.But I played over one of God's creations, one whom he calls Man.And now, I'm living with the guilt. Feeling so confused.Developing this inquisitiveness on What would Jesus Do.I wish that I could tell him sorry for coming into his life.I wish I could tell him sorry for abusing loves many rightsI wish I could let him know how I truly feel.I was hurt by him indisputably, but love him even still.I wish I could keep moving forward to a whole new beginning. But I can't close this door cause the chapter just has no ending.

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