We sat across from eachother. I sat quietly, examining the sprinkles and all they stood for. Sitting with the man who knew me better than anyone else, those sprinkles became my escape.I remembered being a little girl, and in those days ordering the sprinkle donut because it was exciting and colorful. I miss having that color in my world. And on that day i ordered the donut to remember. We sat silently, unattentively. So much had changed in so little time- And it left me feeling unaffected. Comfortably numb. Without the comfortable perhaps... Our silence was desired. It was who we became. My recollection of our times together were nothing but. But somehow, over the past few months, silence was what remained. We spoke volumes in glances, in gestures, in breaths. But not in words. I had wished Hallmark would be by my side, and together we'd select the words that occupied all my thoughts of him. I had hoped i could gather those words and thoughts and with my palms open, let him see all that i needed him to hear though my voice could not deliver.A single tear rolled down my cheek as i worked through the thoughts in my mind. We always want the people we love to be happy. We want them to feel complete. Unfortunately, this leads to the unhappiness of others too. I've come to realize that for every smile, there are a dozen more frowns. For somes happiness will break peoples hearts along the way. The two most important people in my life at odds- And all i could think about was that sprinkle donut. I was hoping it would remind me of our good times, our smiles and inside jokes. But it only made me more speechless. We sat there abit longer. the usual set of questions flowing. "How was your day? Are you doing ok? Do you need anything?". I felt i could not worry him with my own thoughts and needs. Somehow through it all we were no longer as important to him as we once were. I just wanted to be daddy's little girl again. I wanted to say "i miss you, i wish we talked more like before, I wish we joked more. But it was us. My best friend. For every tear that fell, he was able to smile abit more. Unfortunately for us, his happiness was breaking our hearts along the way. Those sprinkles stood for alot more than just being colorful and exciting. They represented us. Or what we once were. In the words of John Mayer, he put the color inside of my world. And he still does. But that rainbow of color is alittle less complete. For now i'll keep turning to that sprinkle donut. Because i know one day... it will be complete again.

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