Taken from Episode 4 of Season 5 (1981-1982)When we were small, we used to laugh and playAnd have a ball, and we would often sayLet's have it all and try and live this way our whole life throughBut there's no fun in a factoryAnd no big laughs in the ministryBut this here gig is our cup of tea...neurosurgery!And we'd love to get our hands on your brains, oh mercyWe'd love to drill holes in your headSnap off your ears, blow out the carbonAnd change them all to left-hand treadWe'd love to have a chance to take the top off your nogginAnd rust-proof the pulmonary veinsYou'll likely take a thousand fits When we finally get to the end of your witsCause we'd love to get our hands on your brainsYowsah, yowsah, yowsah!You take a liver, it's a tasteless boreAnd so's your spleen, whatever it's forAnd large intestines, well say no more It's a full stop at every colon!Now we hate lungs, a complete disgraceAnd messy hearts squirting 'round the placeBut call on us to go behind your faceWe're listed under "Mental Case"!And we'd love to get our hands on your brains, oh mercyThere's really nothing we'd rather doTune up your memory, air out your cellsTake a hundred points off your IQWe'd love to have a chance to take a boo at what you're thinkingAnd clean off the shampoo stainsIt would surely make you sickTo see what makes you tickBut we have both been independently trainedThe lessons came in the mailFrom the College for the Casually InsaneThey've never had anyone failAnd we're the only graduates they claimThe rest are all in jailAnd we'd love to get our hands on your brains

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